"Someday everything will make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason." Even if someday it doesn't make perfect sense, it happened for a reason.
It hurts, no one can understand how you really feel. We hide our pain, put on a brace face and carry on. Being strong is hard especially for long periods of time, coping on your own. I feel the pain of others, I really do.