Hey, parents of twins: GOD BLESS YOU.    #newdad #blog #parenting #babies #kids #twins

Hey, parents of twins: GOD BLESS YOU. #newdad #blog #parenting #babies #kids #twins

Never underestimate the value of aimlessly walking through a department store while your baby sleeps in a stroller...

I’d love to teach my Son patience, but he’s just too young right now. All he does is cry louder and look away from me. Wait… he’ll do that when he’s older too, won’t he? Ah crap!

Having children is kinda like signing your marriage license 9 months before you even meet your spouse...

I’d love to teach my Son patience, but he’s just too young right now. All he does is cry louder and look away from me. Wait… he’ll do that when he’s older too, won’t he? Ah crap!

You might be a parent if the words “snow day” fill you with anxiety rather than childlike joy.  As a kid, when you hear those magical words, your eyes twinkle.  As a young adult, your eyes blink indifferently.  As a parent*, your eyes bulge as you think, “Ah man, what am I supposed to do with my kid now?!”  #newdad #blog #parenting #kids #babies #dad #snowdaze

I’d love to teach my Son patience, but he’s just too young right now. All he does is cry louder and look away from me. Wait… he’ll do that when he’s older too, won’t he? Ah crap!

If they can make “No Tears” shampoo, then WHY ISN’T ALL OF IT THAT WAY?  Adults: Do you enjoy crying that much?    #newdad #blog #dad #parenting #kids #babydontcry

If they can make “No Tears” shampoo, then WHY ISN’T ALL OF IT THAT WAY? Adults: Do you enjoy crying that much? #newdad #blog #dad #parenting #kids #babydontcry

The 1950s are to me what the 1980s are to _______        a) Apples    b) The Great Depression    c) My Son    d) All of the above        The answer is… c) My Son.      #newdad #parenting #blog #kids #babies #dads #SATProblemsThatProveImOld

I’d love to teach my Son patience, but he’s just too young right now. All he does is cry louder and look away from me. Wait… he’ll do that when he’s older too, won’t he? Ah crap!

I’d love to teach my Son patience, but he’s just too young right now.  All he does is cry louder and look away from me.  Wait… he’ll do that when he’s older too, won’t he?!  Ah crap!    #newdad #blog #parenting #kids #babies #patienceisavirtuallynonexistentthing #dads

I’d love to teach my Son patience, but he’s just too young right now. All he does is cry louder and look away from me. Wait… he’ll do that when he’s older too, won’t he? Ah crap!

Think of all the things we did and never told our parents about.  OUR KIDS WILL DO THOSE THINGS.    #newdad #afraid #blog #parenting #kids

Think of all the things we did and never told our parents about. OUR KIDS WILL DO THOSE THINGS. #newdad #afraid #blog #parenting #kids

Babies are the only people who are able to literally put their feet in their mouths WITHOUT being able to do so figuratively...  #newdad #parenting #babies #kids #blog

Babies are the only people who are able to literally put their feet in their mouths WITHOUT being able to do so figuratively.

Having a family can be a convenient way to spin certain attitudes and actions.  Too lazy to help a friend move this weekend?  ”Oh, I totally would man, but I haven’t seen my kid in…"  #newdad #parenting #kids #justification

I’d love to teach my Son patience, but he’s just too young right now. All he does is cry louder and look away from me. Wait… he’ll do that when he’s older too, won’t he? Ah crap!

Having a kid sure is a great way for a dude to lose those “newlywed pounds”...    #newdad #blog #parenting #kids

I’d love to teach my Son patience, but he’s just too young right now. All he does is cry louder and look away from me. Wait… he’ll do that when he’s older too, won’t he? Ah crap!

Is there a baby-cuteness equivalent to American Idol syndrome?  There is, isn’t there?  You know what I mean…    #newdad #blog #parenting #kids #babies #cute?

I’d love to teach my Son patience, but he’s just too young right now. All he does is cry louder and look away from me. Wait… he’ll do that when he’s older too, won’t he? Ah crap!

This blog is less of a “How-To” and more of a “HOW COME?!”  As such, I believe it represents the parental condition fairly accurately, since the most clear truth I’ve learned in the last 3 months is that no one seems to know anything about anything and no one is even sure if anything about anything is knowable...    #newdad #blog #parenting #kids #babies

I’d love to teach my Son patience, but he’s just too young right now. All he does is cry louder and look away from me. Wait… he’ll do that when he’s older too, won’t he? Ah crap!

“Kids will tell you the truth when regular people won’t...”    #ThingsMyWifeSaid #newdad #parenting #kids #blog

I’d love to teach my Son patience, but he’s just too young right now. All he does is cry louder and look away from me. Wait… he’ll do that when he’s older too, won’t he? Ah crap!

You know how babies randomly use their lips, tongues, and vocal chords to experiment with making sound, even before they really have anything to say? ... Remind you of any adults you’ve dealt with recently?    #newdad #randomthoughts #parenting #babies #somethingsneverchange

You know how babies randomly use their lips, tongues, and vocal chords to experiment with making sound, even before they really have anything to say? Remind you of any adults you’ve dealt with recently?

My lack of breasts causes me to lose out on credibility, extreme sleep deprivation, and a leg to stand on in most arguments...    #newdad #breastfeeding #parenting

I’d love to teach my Son patience, but he’s just too young right now. All he does is cry louder and look away from me. Wait… he’ll do that when he’s older too, won’t he? Ah crap!

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