So very true. The pretending is a struggle that is neverending. It takes so much strength to keep my guard up, to keep my feelings tucked inside so that no one sees the pain in my heart. You are always on my mind Kelly.
Not pretend, but our friendship's over now (or maybe not, I don't know) and messaging him to tell him that I miss him is just inappropriate. I doubt it'll be fine for him to be my friend again. Knowing him.
A cycle of depression. It's time to stop pretending that depression, anxiety, etc are all something you can just "snap out of." You wouldn't tell a diabetic to "snap out of" a blood sugar high; you'd give them insulin.