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It's great when people tell you what you did last night stinking drunk...it shows they paid attention

It's great when people tell you what you did last night stinking drunk.it shows they paid attention

Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days...fishy guests sooner

Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.fishy guests sooner

When you’re running on empty, ambush a food truck

When you’re running on empty, ambush a food truck

We're all no different from each other.....we all get goosed by a turnstile one at a time

We're all no different from each other.we all get goosed by a turnstile one at a time

what you say can and will be used against you, so say marvelous and terrific things

what you say can and will be used against you, so say marvelous and terrific things

If ‘cleanliness is next to godliness’ then hand-sanitizer is my only hope for salvation

If ‘cleanliness is next to godliness’ then hand-sanitizer is my only hope for salvation

The only BS I crave in the morning is a Bagel Schmear

The only BS I crave in the morning is a Bagel Schmear

When Life's an experiment.... something going horribly wrong is to be expected

When Life's an experiment. something going horribly wrong is to be expected

The Ten Commandments would have far more effect, if they had an amount of lightening strikes attached to each of them

The Ten Commandments would have far more effect, if they had an amount of lightening strikes attached to each of them

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Always stand up for what you believe in, even if it means losing your seat.

there's a fine line between fishing for compliments and

there's a fine line between fishing for compliments and

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When you let your freak flag fly, don’t leave it fluttering in the wind

Life is what it is, take it,leave it, or FUCK IT

When you’re in denial, you never send postcards saying: ‘wish you were here’

When you’re in denial, you never send postcards saying: ‘wish you were here’

You don't need negativity in your life....except your snuggly voodoo doll collection

You don't need negativity in your life.except your snuggly voodoo doll collection

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