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Dude, you don't want to start a dick measuring contest with me. I've got a drawer full of them. And they are all bigger than yours!

"You don't really need someone to complete you... You only need someone to accept you completely."

Disney has really good advice! NOT Disney Channel (They show you what NOT to do, and some kids don't get that) but the movies, especially ones like Tangled, Frozen, and PIXAR Classics!

vulgarity is no substitute for wit.i LOVE mAGGIE!!

How I Feel On The Internet Sometimes

Vulgarity is no substitute for wit. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham

I also like what is written next here.... what is really pathetic is people who will lie and talk about you behind your back, then try to act kind and nice.. and at the same time cry to be your friend....if you dont like someone just tell them to their face....otherwiswe, you're a liar. Have a nice life. READ THIS EVERYONE!

Now I remember why we are no longer friends. You are the most pathetic excuse for a human being on the face of the planet. Good luck with that.

Funny Breakup Ecard: Im so sorry that karma cake you baked yourself isnt tasting as good as you expected. Perhaps a tall glass of I Fucking Told You So will he.

Now that's pretty damn funny! Funny Breakup Ecard: Im so sorry that karma cake you baked yourself isnt tasting as good as you expected. Perhaps a tall glass of I Fucking Told You So will he.

so funny... because it's so true!

When your skinny friend says she feels fat and you're just standing there. all fat. Makes me want to slap a bitch.

music funny pictures

My kids complained about the music I was playing int he car, so I told them to get out and run and see if the music was any better out there.

I'm currently in training to be the hottest girlfriend you've ever had.

Well no boyfriend so I'm currently in training to be the hottest girl you'll ever know!

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