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Hahahaha...i feel like this has actually happened to me!

"I tried to login to my ipad. Turns out it was an etch-a-sketch and I don't own an ipad. Also, I'm out of vodka." Story of my life!

Shaving is literally my worst nightmare.....

Yeah, I’d shave my legs for you. Maybe.

I'm only your bitch in bed.

"Who lit the fuse on your tampon?" I feel this question would've been appropriate to ask last night.