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I love you like a back alley hooker loves crack

I love you like a back alley hooker loves crack. Guess what card my baby is getting for Valentine's?

Bottoms up!

I'm outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios! Lol -- if patios said PORCHES this would be perfect for the BU Music dept! Porch parties -- I miss them!

“Good grammar is sexy” shirt

Good Grammar is Sexy T-shirt - unfortunately this is such a lost art (the next time I see someone who puts a -'s- on a random word like "photos," I'm going to give them a swift kick.

JT <3

JT <3

@Juliann Oldbury Johns @Michele Oldbury @Michelle Mitchell

Pretty sure this is exactly how my sister feels about me. Too bad she's wrong- I am the one who has the best sister in the world!

Guns Dont Kill People Dads with Pretty Daughters Kill People - Shirts For Dads - Skreened T-shirts, Organic Shirts, Hoodies, Kids Tees, Baby One-Pieces and Tote Bags

Let's Go Wine Tasting - The Coffee Shop - Skreened T-shirts, Organic Shirts, Hoodies, Kids Tees, Baby One-Pieces and Tote Bags

I talk a lot about tequila, drinking and having a good time. I could count on my fingers alone the number of times I've actually had a drink so far this year. (Need the fingers to help me count; sure can't do it in my head... too stoned.) Just kidding. LOL!

Free and Funny Confession Ecard: We're not alcoholics. We generally only drink on the weekends. Except for special occasions. And boredom. And Thursdays. Which some people consider weekends.

He's the strong silent type. In other words: abusive and emotionally detached. I'm in love!

Practice makes perfect! - Funny Confession Ecard: All my friends are out there making babies and I'm just over here like, 'I like practicing.

it's sad because it's true. (for @WritRams and @Mom4Less)

I tried to login on my iPad. Turns out it was an Etch-a-Sketch and I don't own an iPad. Also, I'm out of vodka.